


Why do We Hurt Ourselves?

by flowerinmygarden



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Apologies, Best Friends, Companions, Dorian Pavus is a Good Friend, Drinking & Talking, Drunk Dorian Pavus, Drunkenness, Friendship, Gen, Guilt, I put too much tags, I'm Sorry, Inquisitor & Dorian Pavus Friendship, Inquisitor made a mistake, Late Night Conversations, Male-Female Friendship, Quiet Inquisitor, Regret, Stargazing, Team Bonding, close friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 10:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27969257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerinmygarden/pseuds/flowerinmygarden
Summary: The night after the events at Gull & Tavern with Dorian, Inquisitor Trevelyan was left with guilt and remorse.
Relationships: Dorian Pavus & Female Trevelyan, Female Inquisitor & Dorian Pavus
Kudos: 6





	Why do We Hurt Ourselves?

Just as the usual nights should be, the patrol guards and agents do about their business. Roams around the castle, armed with a simple Inquisition sword and a torch to light up their paths.

Their hooded figures appear in distinct shapes as Hilda Trevelyan observes them from a distance, from the staircase that leads to the main hall. Feeling distraught and unfulfilled, she decides to go on a late-night stroll alone.

Her last encounter with Dorian has left her guilty and empty. She should have told him the truth, she should’ve let him choose – she didn’t know it was going to end up like this. She should’ve known, should’ve never been selfish. How hard was it to just _talk?_ Hilda tortures and punishes herself in her head, reminiscing how heartbroken Dorian was when he found out. What a foolish decision she had made.

As Hilda tours the grounds, bemused, while constantly forming all kinds of conversation she would have had with Dorian all night long – disregarding the confused looks of the agents and guards that walk past her. The Inquisitor should be resting in her chambers, what is she doing out here?

She wanders the castle aimlessly as if her feet have been taken over by someone else. Eventually, she arrives at the training grounds where Cassandra usually spends her time alone with the dummies and her books. Tonight, the solitude remains – peaceful, not eerie. Hilda snaps back to reality as she hears a seemingly familiar tone of disgruntled groan, then the voice of a lady – soft and understanding.

Hilda moves toward the sounds, undoubtedly came from near the tavern walls. There, she finds two people exchanging inaudible words. Though their figures were cloaked by the night’s shadow in darkened spots, Hilda can finally make out one of them to be Scout Harding.

“Inquisitor,” the humble dwarf steps back and gives Trevelyan a brief bow. She doesn’t say anything else other than shuffling her feet uncomfortably while trying to maintain a steady composure.

Inquisitor Trevelyan looks at both people alternatively. The man Scout Harding was talking to was apparently, a wasted Dorian Pavus. Sitting on the ground just beside the tavern’s wall where everything is poorly lit, barrels and other clutters are sloppily organized. He holds a mug, half-empty. When Hilda stares at him, despite everything looks dim, she knows Dorian is giving her a sharp look.

“I should… probably leave this to you,” Scout Harding moves backward slowly before finally disappearing into the distance. Once she’s out of earshot, Hilda moves closer, sits beside Dorian, and lets out a soft huff.

Both are silent throughout a whole minute, staring at the skies, not knowing what to say to each other. Eventually, Dorian is bored of the silence and opens his mouth for the first time in a while. “You’ve stated your apologies and I have accepted them. Is this about it?” he pauses as he flails the mug around. “Why have you come for me? To continuously mock me for existing? Say your goodbyes before sending me back to Tevinter?”

Hilda turns to Dorian quickly. As her eyes becoming more adjusted to the dimly lit environment, she finally stares at him with a clear expression. “Was that what you think I’d be doing?”

Dorian shrugs, trying to avoid the Inquisitor’s gaze by staring at the grass below him. “Highly unlikely. But knowing you, I wouldn’t get past it.”

“You think I’d do something like that?” She meant it as a question, but what comes out sounds like a statement.

Under the shadow’s cloak, Hilda sees the man’s lips curl into a lopsided smile. One that she has grown to get used to. “I don’t know, will you?” his voice is strangely soothing, despite being quite drunk.

After a massive sigh, Hilda answers with a small chuckle and stares again to the skies. She’s now hugging her knees. The cold night air gradually seeps between the two as they spend more time outside. “You still haven’t answered my question,” Dorian breaks the silence once again. “What’s this about, _milady?_ ”

Hilda seeks another witty response, trying to outmatch his playful approach. But she ends up saying what first came out into her mind. “Am I supposed to not be concerned finding my dear friend drunk in the night, alone?”

Dorian scoffs in response, though still maintaining a smirk on his face. “I’m not _alone,”_ he refers to the mug he is holding. “Though, I did feel a bit out of place… until Lady Harding came into the rescue, that is.”

Once again, Hilda finds herself at a loss for words. Dorian seems cheerier than the last conversation they had, but she can’t shake the feeling that both have their own thoughts they haven’t shared with one another. At times, she feels like it’s for the best, that some things are just better left unsaid. But the distasteful aftermath of their exchange still lingers. “Dorian,” she starts, but the man cuts her off almost quite instantly.

“Now, now, I’m aware of what you’re about to say,” he stares at the Inquisitor, soft at expression, but quite harsh at the tone. “Save it – everyone makes mistakes and yours is nothing to be discussed further. There are other things at stake.”

“ _Dorian_ ,” she starts again. This time her voice is much more demanding, resulting in a blank stare from the man in front of her. Perhaps disinterested in whatever reason Trevelyan is about to say, but there are sparks of curiosity in the way his body turns to her almost completely. “Don’t act like I do not care about you.”

It’s at this moment that Dorian finally falls silent. He’s seemingly taken aback by how his eyebrows lift slightly. But then he avoids Trevelyan’s gaze again by staring at whatever inanimate objects his field of view can take. “I’m… flattered,” he finally replies. “I’ll admit, it’s not common for me to forgive someone so quickly after the lies they’ve done,” Dorian turns to Hilda, who slowly reverts back into embarrassment, visibly trying to shrink herself like a turtle. Burying her face behind her knees. “But I suppose it wasn’t your fault in the first place. And you _did_ try to redeem yourself, that’s the rare part.”

Hilda’s eyes seem to twinkle at the last sentence. She stares back at Dorian before giving him a warm smile. Then wanders her eyes back to the skies. Hilda feels as if the burdens on her back now lifted. The Inquisitor is known for her calm and reserved attitude, and somehow Dorian puts extra respect to that; actions speak louder than words, or so they say. To Dorian, Hilda seems harder to read than most, but her straightforwardness has always been fondly acknowledged.

“I hope you don’t think me differently after what happened.” Dorian finally says what has been in his mind for a while, Hilda can tell from how his shoulders droop in release. She’s finally relieved that Dorian is willing to open up to her more.

Before Hilda drifts herself off due to the cold winds blowing her face calmly, she turns to Dorian and gives him another reassuring smile. “To me, Ser Pavus, you’ve never changed.”

Another smirk from Dorian. “You don’t know me, Inquisitor Trevelyan,” he says while shaking his head. His expression is playful as much as it is genuine.

“Then give me a chance to.” Hilda strikes back with a grin.

“I am,” he replies. “What do you think is happening right now?”

“You’re infuriating.”

Dorian lets out a hearty laugh and nods several times. “Now you know.”

Mistakes were made, but Hilda learns to not dwell on them anymore. As now her heartache is healed by Dorian’s own kindness. Now being one of her closest friends, she refuses to disappoint him again, nor trade him for anyone else.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore more the dynamics between a female character and Dorian. I like their friendship and they should have more friendly banters. 
> 
> I hope I did justice with Dorian's attitude, he's my favorite character! XD  
> Anyway, thanks for reading!


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